Honouring & Letting Go Of Your Ancestral Programming source
The majority of people I meet have issues stemming from their childhood and if you dig down deep enough the same child is inside the adult still feeling very hurt and misunderstood. We tend to get frozen in places that made a traumatic impact on us emotionally.
When we arrived here in body, we already had chosen our parents to be the ones to teach us best what we needed to learn no matter how heavy the circumstances. However what is being taught to us is not always what is obvious. If we take the charge out of the button that is being pushed we can see better the issue that we need to unlearn.
Many of our grandparents and parents come from a time not long after war. Emotions and how to deal with them was not a priority, surviving hardship and depression was more than enough.
Security both financially and physically was the priority. When a man found work, provided a home, food, and clothes for his family that was his concept of loving those he cared about. He would come home exhausted and want a good meal and not too much chatter so he could wind down.
Our mothers would run around organising the home, the children, and all the things in between. As long as the kids were healthy, well dressed, clean and well mannered she had done her job.
However the woman was often disappointed in her dream of what she though marriage was. Not long after the honeymoon things became more routine. If she felt needy emotionally she was taught to not display this to her husband. Not to burden him with needless concerns and just get on with it.
If you remember this era was the time of the influx of Valium ‘mothers little helpers’. Women felt lost in this day-to-day programme and other than playing bridge and going to a business cocktail party she felt she was missing something.
The woman generally didn’t have control of the finances so she had to get permission from her husband. If he went away she would have to dutifully wait for him as a good wife would and not complain (like many of her previous ancestors who waited for men to return home from war). Men of that era were not taught about how to please a woman other than formal gestures on special occasions and women certainly were not even supposed to ask. So in the bedroom much of what was felt was not shared at all. And if there were a hint of him getting it elsewhere the shame would be upon the wife for not doing her job. If the marriage failed it was always her fault in the eyes of society and especially her female friends. She was shamed both within the home and in the community and the man was left to dive into the only thing he had control over, his work.
These are the people we as children expected to learn how to deal with deeper issues from. How can we expect them to teach something they never got taught? We need to look for the signs of love beneath what they say. Our parents loved us the best way they knew how, but they still had a lot of programming from many generations past and were even less interested in dealing with the deeper trauma’s of life. Wars bring trauma to all people, all members of families, and it follows through generation by generation.
I am a daughter of an officer and I still fill out the Vietnam vets yearly surveys to let them know how it impacts on future generations.
Our generation and the generations to come are exploding with emotion to the point that is like a volcano out of control at times. When we come from such suppression of feelings volcanic explosions are likely to occur.
Our ancestors were taught that discipline was there to control the emotions of a child, which was deemed inappropriate. Beating a child was common, silencing a child was common. Shaming a child was common because they could not face their own feelings that had been shut down for so long.
When we listen to our parents its important to hear beneath what they are saying. And to think of what education and behaviour they are coming from.
A client of mine recently called her parents to share some good news and instead of doing that they shared their concern. She was saddened by their response and asked my viewpoint. I shared the excerpt below and she asked if I could write a blog on it, as it was so relevant to her understanding
<The mother wants to not worry about the child, she wants you to be totally taken care of so she doesn’t have to worry any more about if your ok or not.
The father wants to tell you how to fix it.
They need to feel that they still have some authority in your life even if it’s just to tell you to be aware or not to do something.
These are the behaviors they hang onto to feel that they are still important and still needed.
Her worry is her bent way of saying she loves you. His fix it mentality is his bent way of saying that he loves you…. they just come from a whole other generation of behavior. Empathy, heart-felt communication and empowering others is not something that they necessarily learnt or were allowed to feel after war times…it was to hold tight to what was yours and get your priorities in order.
Hence we often experience feelings of rejection via their behavior. As you grow up within yourself you will feel more accepting of their INSENSITIVITY. The children teach the parents by example how to love beyond what they have been taught. >
These elders are walking into an era that they don’t understand and it is way out of their depth to comprehend at times. If we ignore our wounds and don’t assist the inner child to feel safe we will all stay as stuck as wounded children never be free from getting our buttons pushed when our parents show little interest in our deep diving discoveries.
My mother recently turned 8o years old. Our relationship was always loving but its gotten healthier over the years the more I have worked on my own inner challenges. I wrote on her card.
‘Thank you for giving me the greatest gift of allowing me to find my own destiny’.
She cried as I did writing it. My mother and father have always wanted me to be secure financially and taken care of. Well I didn’t give them what they wanted, I gave them something else. I gave them me, the real me, the authentic me. I did try to fit the mold for a while but I just couldn’t fit the costume.
Initially, I am sure they hoped I was going through a stage, rebellious hippy, some kind of spiritualist cult member etc..and when I went mad and cut all my hair off, well they thought they had really lost me.
Years later I sit being more comfortable with myself than I have ever been. I’m living the life that suits me, I am doing the work that brings out the best in me and I am more content and laugh more. I don’t have to argue my point to win as I used to all the time. I have less reason to defend myself, as there is nothing to protect and nothing to hide.
When I talk with my mum now I can hear what’s underneath. I know she loves me deeply and is very interested in my wellbeing. We have a really lovely relationship. However what I do in my counseling and journeywork is just too much for her to emotionally conceptualize. For her to dive with me into this stuff she would need to dive into herself and she is from a generation where there was no compass for guidance.
We are the egg crackers of that hard shell. We have our work cut out for us! We are teaching our parents and people of that generation by example that we are here to challenge what lurks in the deep ocean of our own subconscious inner worlds.
We are indeed the ones we have been waiting for.
It seems at present the younger generation is going all out to show everything on all levels, body, mind and soul. But that understandable as it’s a retaliation from the past restrictions and hopefully in time the balance will come and more will stand up and deal with these feelings in a balanced and insightful way.
But for now, whatever age you are. Honor those who have gone before you. Listen to their stories, they may have their challenges but they have seen and experienced things that you have never seen. They have gifts to offer you if you read between the lines of their intent.
Even if your ancestors brought great sorrow to your life. Thank them for showing you that the path you want to walk is different. And on behalf of your ancestors start making your own trail, your own path and in doing that you help to release them from their spiritual bondage of fear.
Each generation is stronger and wiser than the previous. In the name of your ancestors walk a path you can feel empowered by. By doing that you will overcome so much.
Blessings to our blood ancestors. Thank you for all your teachings both in shadow and in light. May we bring healing to the bloodline by our own self acceptance, courage, compassion and insight. Blessed Be.
one book got into my hands long time ago by accident but believing there are none in life i started reading it greedily as i could not stop.
a Spiritual Economics Book on $$$ and Remembering Who You Are by Mary Elizabeth Croft.
Could I follow Mary's advice? not exactly. sometimes it takes years to get out of the rat race. but i am glad i am free now and i help my friends with valuable advises and loving hands. i get favoours, friendship and money from them as an exchange of favours. on this money i can buy food and things that i like in life; i can also buy things that i know people i love will enjoy too. i chose to do what i really like in life... i could feel the book was giving me so much power the others sitting on the train with me did not have. i wanted to share with the but i did not know how.
let's have a look what Mary Crofts says on that. money and what you love doing. Mary's article is very long - I am publishing limited extracts only. the book starts funny: "When I was twenty I worked for a bank. After six weeks I told the teller next to me that I figured out how to rob the bank and I described to her my methods. I’d tell you but I don’t recall and besides it would no longer be true due to EFT (Electronic Funds Transfer) banking. I thought she would be excited but instead she was clearly horrified and the next day I was given notice to leave. My father always told me, “Get yourself with a good company”. This, coming from a man whose ‘good company’ had him working nights when he was 59, fueled my position that we are meant to do what we love to do ... and nothing else..." go on reading as it will open your eyes on lots of things in life you never thought existed.
"If you want to make someone angry, tell him a lie; if you want to make him furious, tell him the truth. So, at the risk of infuriating you, isn’t it strange to think that all these years you have been working for what you wanted and unbeknownst to you, everything you ever purchased from every corporation was already paid for. All you had to do was go and claim it, sign for it, and take it home; and this includes your home – it too was prepaid. You never had to work a day in your life to ‘pay for’ anything. All these years you could have been playing and doing what you love to do. We were conned into getting a good education so we could get a good job; all based upon the presumption that this is what we wanted. Would you work as hard as you do if you knew that nothing, which you think you own, belongs to you? If you really want to hate what you love to do ... do it for ‘money’; it won’t take long. – Nicholas Grachanin..."
"So, we must begin to work for each other. I must do for you what I know best to do – my talent bestowed upon me by my Creator – what I love to do. Isn’t this what I ought to be doing? Will you do for another what you love to do? Will this feel like ‘work’? No. Will your friend do for me what I want done and yet am not particularly good at doing? Will he be happy to do this for me? You bet. Are we not our happiest when we serve ourselves through serving others? If indeed ‘we are all one’, won’t I see that doing for another living soul is the same as serving me? Whom are we charging and how much and for what? Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me"
"We must take back our lives and do what we want to do before we will be forced to do what corporate entities want us to do and for less than we’re getting now. We must put our commercial affairs in order. We must get OUT of the Commerce Game and get used to the idea of ‘service’. As an interim part of getting there, for those of us who can’t make the leap, we can and are doing ‘exchanges’. We can exchange’ time, our talent, our labour, or some other commodity upon which we agree. This is commonly known as ‘barter’ and yet, it still involves accounting of which we will ultimately have to let go – rather like going from alcohol to candy – eventually, we have to clear the anxiety which is behind the addiction since it is ‘fear’ which keeps us chasing $$$. We will have arrived when we can admit, ‘I do for you what I do and you do for me what you do’. That’s it – just the joy of doing what we know we were meant to do. Since I have been doing what I want to do I have never been happier and I have received more, in ways I could never have anticipated, than I ever have. Even this book is free for the asking..."
"My analogy is that the Commerce Game is tantamount to the Nightmare; not so ruthless is Barter/ Exchange; this will transform the nightmare into a pleasant dream. Yet, pleasant or not, a dream means we are still asleep. So barter/ exchange/ pleasant dream still means we haven’t made the quantum leap to service and doing what we love to do which is tantamount to Waking UP! I wonder if we can skip the interim step..."
"We have all experienced the feelings of importance, gratitude, love, and also relief when someone gives us a break on cost. Is it possible for us to expand our circle of friends and family to include “Any friend of yours is a friend of mine”? It is said that we are only 6 people away from anyone on the planet. I think that we are all so connected at a particular level of consciousness that somehow we all realize that anyone, even from a completely different culture, religion, country, race, IS “my self”. If we were all family, we would feel no compunction about doing what we do and charging nothing. Well, we are all family – why are we charging for what we do? Is it because too many of us are doing what we 75..."
"People tell me that they are paying for information obtained by one who has put in hours of research. But didn’t he do this research because he wanted to? Why are we paying for something that someone did because he wanted to do it? I have no problem paying someone for doing what they don’t want to spend their time doing but not for something they did out of love..."
that's what surprises me: why do we charge money for something we LOVE DOING? or don't we love it? do we just pretend? when i do something for someone i do not expect anything in return. but rather get surprised when i get something back - something made with your own hands (even a hand-written letter), something made with love and care and no money mentioning FOR ONCE!
"So, what about ‘paying the rent’? My guess is the answer to this lies in trust and faith. If we are indeed doing what we love to do we find ourselves vibrating at a very high level at which we manage to attract not only what we require but also what we desire. Many books, e.g.: Lynn Grabhorn’s Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting, reference this and so I shan’t elucidate. One who so appreciates what we do might want to show his appreciation and ask how he can do this. A good response might be, “Well ... the rent is due...” I figure for all those who are still believing that they lose when someone else wins, doing what we love to do will set us at such a high vibrational level that we will automatically attract those who have nothing better to do than to hand over to you that which you need since contractually it would seem to them that you have already done the same. After years of having understood intellectually, I finally ‘got it’: if I go into anything with a sense of what I might lose, whether $$$, time, compensation, or energy, I am not doing what I love to do and hence, it simply won’t work for me. When we do precisely what we want to do, for the sole purpose of pleasing ourselves, it is a win/ win for all involved – objectivism vs. collectivism..."
"The only way out of this mess is either to remove ourselves from the Commerce Game – completely – so that we are no longer dependent upon banksters or to learn how to win. Their sole agenda is to control and destroy us. Compensation which involves the banks is hazardous; we can create for ourselves all that is way bigger and better – love and light, peace and joy, compassion and forgiveness – that which we were meant to Be, Do, and Have. By remembering who we are we will learn to do what we love to do and serve ourselves by serving others, thereby leaving the banksters completely out of our new way of life..."
"Many people still want to remain under the 'protection' of the banks and have been programmed to believe that removing themselves from that is folly when, of course, the opposite is true. The only freedom is getting out from under their control. Initially, we can do this whilst still using their currency. Once we quit falling for their ‘fear for our survival’ programming, we will feel free to exchange only our time and talents with one another and quit using all ‘payment’ systems. Finally, we will feel safe enough and loving enough simply to do what we love to do and find a way to serve our fellows whilst doing so. When we can give our time and talents from knowing that we are all one, only then will our belief in ‘separation’ disappear. We are on our way. This program is only the first step to our freedom. Those who express concern over the possibility of not ‘getting’ seem not to do well; those who are excited about 'giving' for the ultimate purpose of assisting each other in escaping our self-imposed slavery seem to do well in this activity. It will reveal to you precisely from what position you operate your entire life. If you are not doing what excites you, you are not doing what you were meant to be doing. Remember, if you’re not living on the edge, you’re taking up too much space..."
i could see way too many of us are failing, wasting our lives and feeling unhappy because we did not like what we do... and this: lots of us who succeeded in life chose to do what we loved doing and what made us complete. my life is too short to afford wasting it on something that I do not really like.
there is one more thing: when you start doing what you REALLY LIKE AND LOVE doing the wealth will come to you automatically. why? think about it! its passion that attracts abundance. in some sources they call it: finding YOUR WAY. if you are happy with what you have and do - you already found your way! there is nothing to gain and nothing to achieve - just enjoy your life and its fruit...
BRAHMA KUMARIS RAJA YOGA MEDITATION
your late evening/before-going -to-bed meditation - from Brahma Kumaris Raja Yoga Retreat Frankston... was sent to me today by a friend which reminded me that one day we would all probably need to go there for a weekend to have a good rest, meditate and rejuvenate - have not been there with a group for the last 9 years! BK link: http://www.bkpeninsula.org.au/