The Top 5 Regrets of The Dying NEW April 27, 2013 by Joe Martino
A palliative nurse recorded the most common regrets of the dying and put her findings into a book called ‘The Top Five Regrets of The Dying.’ It’s not surprising to see what made the list as they are all things that touch each of our lives as we struggle to pay attention to and make time for things that we truly love. Below is the list of each regret along with an excerpt from the book. At the bottom is also a link to the book for anyone interested in checking it out.
One thing on regret before we get to the list. It’s important to remember that whatever stage we are at in life, there is no need for regret. The process of regret is one that provides nothing but suffering for ourselves as we begin to allow the past to dictate how we should feel now. Instead, we can use the past as a reference point to understand what adjustments we would like to make moving forward. The adjustments do not have to come out of pain, sorrow, regret or judgment, but simply a choice to do things in a different way. We are learning all the time, we can very quickly slow that learning process down by getting stuck in the idea of regret. When it comes to making changes, be at peace with the past and remember that each moment is a new choice.
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
”This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”
NEW Brené Brown said “only when we believe that we are enough will we have the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect. When we don’t accept ourselves, we shape-shift, turn into chameleons and always hustle for the worthiness we already possess.”
Words, Thoughts, Intentions and Desires NEW by NM
You may wish it all, but be aware of the consequences.
We live in a wonderful world of collective illusion which means: in your life your every thought, every desire becomes true, and has the ability to manifest in the mind as a material object or event. By thinking about something, you create the intention, providing an impact on the formation of a collective illusion, influencing the future course of events in their occurrence. Thinking about the desired or undesired, you attract it into your life does not matter if you think positively or negatively. The thought: "I am scared of that" or "I do not want this to happen..." attracts this same thing to you as if you were thinking: "I want this to happen" or "I want this thing"... and what you have now - is just what you wanted before.
Perhaps you think that it was not exactly, or even not at all what you have now, and you have a lot of unwanted things and events, but what you really wanted, did not happen. But if you think that what happened does not match the previous incarnation of your desires, it is only because most of your desires are still not realized by you and you have not learned to understand what you really want.
It is possible that we want to protest, saying that we know what we want. But then the answer to your question is, "Is it safe to know what you really want in this fantasy world where everything is changing at a time where nothing is stable, which is something that seems necessary at a time at other times it may be not only useless, but even cause harm? " Do you remember this saying: "Beware what you with for as you might get it"
I can give you some examples:
My friend O really wanted the marry that guy, and she did marry him, but at the end she did not like him - he harmed her and her children. He was very moody and he never gave her what she was seeking in relationship in the first place: love and care. He only cared about himself. Her life became a total suffering neglecting the fact that her first intentions were very strong and sincere.
This example is so common and banal , almost primitive but I just wanted to show you how it works on a big scale. Sometimes this list when a seemingly good intentions lead to negative consequences, is endless and the list of examples does not end.
Did she know about consequences of her desires? All this has happened to her according to her own negligence, and she got just what she wanted both consciously and unconsciously. She wanted to fulfill her wish so much that did not pay attention to all the other arising in these thoughts. All thoughts, which later became her problem, she had in her subconscious and eventually they manifested themselves in this way in the collective illusion. Her problem existed on a subconscious level, and thanks to her perseverance found its realization in life. So when you experience any desire, then you should always be careful and aware of the consequences.
When you create a desire I would rather recommend to create a feeling attached to this desire... You should not create a man you will be with but rather create a feeling you seek. In my previous example with the girl looking for a happy marriage I would rather manifest my feelings of love, care, peace and mutual understanding. This is an ultimate goal, but husband is just a tool to experience these feelings - you already have these feelings. The same works for him from his side (if of course he is spiritually advanced man). If your desires are the same than your marriage is a bliss.
Every thought involved in creating the illusion is your life creation. Thinking about the desirability or otherwise of rejoicing or worrying about something, you bring it to your life. Therefore, you should learn to understand what is going on in your mind.
My recommendation would be: monitor your every thought and your every desire every instant of your life. Ask yourself a question every moment of your life: what am I thinking about? why am I thinking about it? what am I doing? why am I doing that? what am I intending to say? what is the base of my intention? (usually the words and the thoughts we pronounce and share come from your ego, from false judgement, from your pride and from intention to show to the others how good you are. YOU already know it. The rest of the people does not need to know. It is their life WHAT and HOW to think about you. YOU already know everything about yourself.
Be aware of your thoughts. Try to make this monitoring your everyday every instant routine. you will see so much life changing events in a couple of weeks or days already. You will stop showing off so much, you will stop judging the others as you will start living your life not from your fake ego but from your soul, your higher self. You will start living your TRUE not FAKE life. That would be the moment when the illusion vanishes and your true path will be in front of you.
Monitor your thoughts that arise during the day. Ask and question yourself constantly. One of my friends always tells me how good he is in bed (at 74 years!) but we all know that he has a huge ego problem. Why is he saying that? Now you know. He tries to prove it to himself. My other friend keeps repeating to every one on ever corner how good he is in his family. Now you know why. Does he know?.. Probably not yet. He tries to impress everyone but he fails on every corner.. Among your thoughts you can find ideas and desires, and an unwanted thoughts that cause pleasure or you do not need to experience. At the end of the day try to analyze all your thoughts and see how many of the unwanted thoughts or thoughts that cause negative feelings arose during the day. Believe me lots of such thoughts would be just a waste of energy you would rather build your true self from. Count how many of these wasteful thoughts you had per month and per year. Now think of how these thoughts affect your life. It is possible that after that you will no longer keep wondering why your life is formed in this or that way.
When you finally understand, what you really want (HIGHEST KNOWLEDGE and nothing else), you should clean up your mind, learn to distinguish and reject the false in your life that wastes your energy for nothing.
It will help you a lot to practice observing your thoughts, developing the ability to discern the Truth from the Illusion, the ability to focus your attention on better and true intentions.
There is one more and last thought: by observing yourself and monitoring your thoughts and your intentions you will learn so much about yourself and as a result: about the others. It is the first step to develop an extra-sensory abilities to read the other people's minds and to know their intentions: sometimes even long time before the driver in front of you decides to change lanes you already know it or you will start having the effect of a phone call: (as I call it) meaning when you think about a person he/she calls you or emails you and answers the puzzling question you just had in mind... You will start a silent conversation with the highest power inside of you. WONDERFUL!
Have a happy journey!
TOM D'AMICO NEW
from my friend and greatest Master I've ever met - Tom D'Amico
by Tom D'Amico. one of the wisest and most inspirational teaches I met on my journey. if you are looking for healing and spiritual guidance this is your time and your station to get off that train jetting through the tunnel... if you search for answers on the questions you never asked yourself Tom's books will lead you to find the locks and the keys within yourself.
"Awakened Man knows all and feels all. He knows as he is known in the eternal reality of oneness. Come and join me in the garden of eternal bliss....and behold, I see the real world and it is gentle and peaceful with many forms of life, there is a predominance of a gentle peach, golden yellow and aqua green, love is everywhere and touches everything. There are no doors to separate or boundaries that segregate and there is no one that judges the steps that you take. I see open hearts within open fields of wisdom. This is the real world coming into life. You and I are there!"
our common thoughts (Yoshi Lis plus NM) on Curiosity in a nutshell: there are four groups of people:
1. not curios naturally, indifferent material consumers and those not ready to accept any knowledge coming their way. only very significant life changing event might push these people to take a journey mentioned in phase 2. f nietzsche does not mention them but i might be mistaken... and i think there are not that many of such people left on this planet anymore.
2. people of doubt (curios and childish mind on the quest, jumping from one knowledge to another absorbing everything without deep understanding). f nietzsche calls them camels who take the load of knowledge till they are overloaded and they can not move anymore... they need to take the load off and let it go. this is a significant phase though in advancement to phase 3.
3. people of rigid belief (with the structured knowledge they got in phase 2 who are not ready to open up to anything else. f nietzsche calls them lions. they are powerful in their knowledge but closed to any other ways of enlightenment. their knowledge is on their way to free up their minds from any beliefs at all and start living...
4. people of open belief - (children with pure mind not age-wise but belief-wise) advanced level of phase 3 - they are real masters. we all would like to reach this phase eventually but it's a long way... lots of us are not ready for that yet... this is the phase when you become a mirror and an observer taking calmly everything that comes your way believing in everything and in nothing...
now more of curiosity and osho's thoughts on that matter:
...There are questions which are concerned with your conditionings, beliefs. I am against all beliefs as such. I cannot support any belief, for the simple reason that it is a belief. I want my people not to believe, but to know. And the way to know means you have to drop your beliefs.
There are questions which are only out of curiosity. They don’t deserve to be answered. This is a mystery school; people are deeply interested in a quest – they are not just curious. I cannot waste my people’s time for a single person’s curiosity. Curiosity is something like an itching in the head. You can scratch your head yourself, I need not bother about it.
In fact, you yourself are not sincere. You have asked just by the way. You are not thirsty; your question is not out of a longing. It does not show any appetite, it shows only childishness – the way children ask questions, about each and every thing. If you can just be patient, within a minute they forget all about it, they start asking other questions.
I have seen people who ask out of curiosity, and if you answer them, by the time you answer them there are other curiosities coming in their mind. They don’t listen even to your answer. You are not even finished with the answer, and a totally new question, which has no relevance to the first, is put before you – as if they are not in search of anything. But just seeing things, the monkey mind becomes curious.
Discipline simply means a methodology of becoming more centered, of becoming more alert, of becoming more aware, of bringing more meditativeness to your being; not functioning through the head, not even through the heart, but functioning from the very core of your being, from the very innermost core, from the center of your being, from your totality. It is not a reaction – reaction comes from the past – it is a response. Response is always in the present, to the present.
Zen gives you a discipline to become a mirror so that you can reflect that which is. All that is needed is a thoughtless awareness.
The first thing to be dropped is curiosity, because curiosity will keep you tethered to the futile. It will keep you being a student; it will never allow you to become a disciple.
Boris, who was from Russia, had been in America only a few months. He did not speak English very well.
One day he was asked, “Boris, what is it that you are most anxious to see in America?”
“Well,” replied Boris, “I weesh most to meet the most famous Mrs. Beech, who had so many sons in the last war.”
Get it? He must have heard all the Americans calling each other “sonofabitch, sonofabitch…” so he is very much interested, anxious, curious, to know about Mrs. Beech, the famous Mrs. Beech.
Curiosity is always like that. It is foolish, but it can keep you tethered to the mind. And don’t think that there is some curiosity which is spiritual, metaphysical. No, nothing like that exists; all curiosity is the same. Whether you inquire about “the famous Mrs. Beech” or you inquire about God it is all the same. Inquiry from the mind will have the same quality – of childishness.
There is a totally different kind of inquiry that arises from the deeper recesses of your being.
Zen is interested in discipline, not in teaching. It wants you to be more alert so you can see more clearly. It does not give you the answer; it gives you the eyes to see. What is the use of telling a blind man what light is and all the theories about light? It is futile. You are simply being stupid by answering the curiosity of a blind man. What is urgently needed is treatment of his eyes. He needs an operation, he needs new eyes, he needs medicine. That is discipline.
Buddha has said: “I am a physician, not a philosopher.” And Zen is absolutely a treatment. It is the greatest treatment that has come to humanity, out of the work of thousands of enlightened people – very refined. It can help to open up your eyes. It can help you to feel again, to be sensitive to the reality. It can give you eyes and ears. It can give you a soul. But it is not interested in answers.
Curiosity is good, curiosity is beautiful, but don't stop at it. It is a good beginning, but not the end, because curiosity always remains lukewarm. It is an intellectual gymnastics.
It is good to be curious because that is how one starts the journey of inquiry into existence; but if one simply remains curious, then there will be no intensity in it. One can move from one curiosity to another - one will become a driftwood - from one wave to another wave, never getting anchored anywhere.
Curiosity is good as a beginning, but then one has to become more passionate. One has to make life a quest, not only a curiosity. And what do I mean when I say one has to make one's life a quest?
Curiosity creates questions, but your life never becomes a quest. Questions are many, a quest is one. When some question becomes so important to you that you are ready to sacrifice your life for it, then it is a quest. When some question has such importance, such significance that you can gamble, that you can stake all that you have, then it becomes a quest.
Curiosity is good as a triggering point for a quest, but there are many people who simply remain curious their whole life. Their life is a wastage; they are rolling stones - they never gather any moss.
They remain childish, they never become mature. They ask a thousand and one questions, but they are not really interested in answers. By the time you have answered them, they have prepared another question. In fact, when the Master is answering the question, if the disciple is only a curious one, he is already thinking about other questions to ask. He is not listening to the answer at all. He is not interested in the answer, he has enjoyed asking the question.
And then your curiosity can get you hooked on something utterly nonsensical. There are people who are curious as to who made the world. Now this is utter nonsense. Buddha said it so many times, that "How is it going to affect your life? It is not going to deepen your meditation, it is not going to help you become enlightened, it is not going to give you freedom, it is not going to give you any light; why are you concerned with who made the world?" Whether it was A or B or C, a Christian God, a Hindu God or a Mohammedan God, how does it matter to you? Even if it is decidedly known that A made the world, what are you going to do then? Then you will start asking something else; that question is finished.
But these questions are never finished, because these questions are utterly meaningless, absurd - so they are never finished. One can go on asking and asking and asking, and the whole life can become just a wastage.
It's good to be curious as a beginning, but don't remain curious forever. You will need some more passion in order to grow. Curiosity is not hot enough to transform your life. It is superficial, shallow.
You will have to create a longing to know truth, an immense, intense passion for truth.
Because that needs courage, because risk is involved, people go on thinking about questions. That is their substitute for the quest.
And this is the difference between philosophy and religion: religion is a quest, philosophy is only curiosity. The philosopher is never transformed by whatsoever he finds. He remains the same. For example, if you meet Aristotle you will not find any impact of his philosophy in his life, no, nothing of it. He will be as devoid of his own philosophy as you are. He only thinks, he does not live it. But if you meet the Buddha, then whatsoever he says, he lives it. He says only because he lives it; saying comes later on. Living comes first, living precedes it.
Make your life a quest. It is good that you have come here, but don't go as you have come. Go with a passion, a fire in your heart. Otherwise curiosity can be dangerous too.
I have heard...
Sam Jones, the most inquisitive man in New Haven, was riding down a branch line from Storrs, when an Englishman came into the car with a crutch and only one leg. After a long pause in which he was consumed with growing curiosity, Sam began talking:
"Guess you were in the army, stranger?" looking down at the leg.
"Oh, no, I have never been in the army."
"Fought a duel somewhere, maybe?"
"No, sir, never fought a duel."
"These streetcars are dangerous things," hazarded Sam.
"I was never in a streetcar or railroad accident," the Englishman expanded.
All of Sam's leading questions got him nowhere. At last he asked outright just how the man had lost his leg.
"I will tell you," said the Englishman, "on condition that you will promise not to ask me another question."
"Very well, just tell me how you lost that leg, and I won't ask another question."
The Englishman regarded him agreeably. "It was bit off," he said.
"Bit off!" exclaimed Sam. "Well, I declare. I should like to know what on earth - ."
"No, sir, not another question," glared the Englishman. "Not one. "
Sam Jones reached New Heaven with a sick headache.
He died within a week of unsatisfied curiosity.
Let your curiosity be transformed here. Let it become a flame in your being, a quest. You have come here philosophically. Go from here as a religious person.
Religion is the quest for truth. It wants to know it, and not on somebody else's authority, not borrowed from scriptures. Religion wants to know it on one's own, and to have that quality is one of the greatest blessings of life.
I create inquiry here, not an inquiry that can ever be satisfied by anybody else even I cannot satisfy it. I simply give you a thirst; I make you more and more thirsty. One day that very thirst will take you into your innermost shrine.
There truth waits for you. There God abides.
A question was asked whether curiosity is a feeling. Well, this is very much dependent on the starting point of yourself. The starting point of self as who you are.
When you discover something that you have not taken into consideration, or that hasn’t entered your world or the experience of yourself, and within yourself you experience a...you’ll experience it as a 'burst of expression,' a 'burst of opening' within yourself, when you find something and you’re reading it, or you’re watching it, and you experience a movement of expression, a burst, an opening within yourself; and within you, you investigate that which you have discovered further because of that particular, specific burst of expression within yourself.
Human beings define that as curiosity; you being curious about - or of - that which you have discovered and have not taken into consideration with an experience of you within your world and reality; and then, you investigate further. This expression or experience of curiosity is you opening another point within yourself in your world, in your reality, to expand you as who you are within and as yourself.
So, from that perspective, curiosity is not a feeling but an opening presented to, within and as self that’ll assist and support self within this process of self-expansion.
Yet, there is another form of curiosity, which is the design of curiosity, which is the construct of curiosity, and this curiosity is when you follow something; meaning - an example is with thoughts: when you’re here with and as self and the thought comes up and you wonder within yourself, or you consider within yourself, “Maybe, possibly, I should follow that thought, because maybe the thought will take me somewhere, or lead me towards something.” Meaning, that curiosity ignited within self when a thought, for instance, comes up and you consider within yourself of wanting to follow that thought because it may, or might, lead you to an interesting point somewhere existent within the realms of your mind.
That is curiosity as a design. That is curiosity as a construct. So, when you are led by something - for instance, a thought - when you follow a thought within hopes of it maybe, possibly leading you towards something or somewhere outside, separate from you, that is curiosity as a construct and a design.
Curiosity as an expression within self--that burst of expression within self as an opening when you see something before you that you haven’t taken into consideration before and you self-direct yourself, you move yourself to investigate or discover that which has been placed before you within your world or your reality--this is curiosity in self-expression. This is curiosity as an opening for and as self-expansion.
Alright, one more time... Curiosity. When you are being led by something - in other words, for instance, let's take a thought for example - when you consider within yourself that maybe that thought will lead me towards something or somewhere outside separate from me, and you follow that thought in curiosity of where it might or maybe lead you towards, and you’re stumbling and following something - that’s curiosity as a design and a system. Curiosity as self-expansion is when you see something that you found, for instance, on the internet and/or within a book or… No, let’s use those two examples - when you’ve found something, when you’ve discovered a book, or when you’ve discovered something on the internet, and in reading or watching, a spark ignites within you a burst of experience, of expression within yourself, and you decide within yourself, you direct yourself, you move yourself to further investigate it because of the self-expression experience within yourself. This is curiosity as self-expansion. You are expanding yourself. Self-expansion because you are within it giving you the opportunity to self-use you and self-direct you to investigate and discover that which you have found to be interesting. This is you self-directing you, you self-using you. This is not you following something and where something else is leading you towards a point, no.
Alright. So there is the difference between curiosity as a design and a construct, and curiosity as self-expansion (when you self-direct and self-move you in a moment) .
Taoists are not interested in curious people. They say that curiosity leads nowhere, that curiosity is a disease; curiosity is not enough-curiosity is not inquiry. Inquiry means that you are ready to put your life at stake. Inquiry means that you are not only a student but a disciple. Inquiry means that it is not just on a whim that you ask; you are ready to go into it whatsoever the cost. You are ready to pay for it; it is not just entertainment.
we started with a NEW SET of exercises that we continue with this month...
Carlos Castaneda's Unbending Intent I will be publishing the next number of exercises from the set:
longform 3rd group
longform 4th group
longform all 4 groups
Opening to intent
website Contemporary Shamanism (Safe Practices) We are here to peel off the layers to return to the authentic sovereign self. Each layer has a story, each layer has a reason for being. Each layer has its own teaching. You are full of stories and the most challenging ones provide the most insight if you can see them in perspective. Honour the process and gently peel the layers away.
the same source:The unknown can be very frightening as there is fear of not being in control. 'Allow' the journey to lead you down the river of discovery. Stay in the moment, stay aware of your environment and the synchronicities along the way. Listen. Observe. Notice how your body feels, how you are breathing. Slow down your breath if need be. Allow the journey to become a mediation in awareness. Do not look too far ahead. Staying in the moment with all your senses awakened will assist in overcoming your fears.