There is one important subject in relationship I want to discuss with you today. May be to be precise they are relationship with yourself I want to touch.
Sometimes it does not come as you expect it to be. Our frustrations about the world and people around us are usually based on wrong expectations of how things should be. Wrong expectations do not come true and we get upset. Right expectations make life plain and uninteresting. Expectations come and grow from a feeling of being superior related to the others and from expecting others to behave in certain way. It never happens and it is good as there is always a beauty of unexpected, a Tao slipping through your fingers like time and space and ever changing. When the expectations are not built at all life looks better and clean like a piece of fresh paper ready to be written on with anew and exciting story to surprise you and people around you... Let the expectations go and free yourself to the unknown - let the unexpected be a beautiful bonus in your life, a gift and a today's-present...
Lets listen to the wise ones and what they say regarding expectations, frustrations and what comes out of it...
Osho (NM: I really love him for his immediacy and wisdom - for the first glance the things that never come together in one person).
Don’t move ahead of yourself into the future because that is not possible to do. The future remains unknown; that is its beauty, that is its grandeur, glory. If it becomes known, it will be useless because then the whole excitement and the whole surprise will be lost.
Don’t expect anything in the future. Don’t corrupt it, because then all your expectations, if fulfilled, will make you miserable. You will not be happy about it because it is your expectation and it is fulfilled. Happiness is possible only through surprise, happiness is possible only when something happens which you had never expected, when something takes you completely unawares.
If your expectations are fulfilled a hundred percent, you will be living as if you are in the past, not in the future. You come home and you expected your wife to say something and she does and you expected your child to behave in a certain way and the child does. Just think, you will be constantly in boredom. Nothing will happen, everything will be just a repetition, as if you are seeing something which you have seen before, hearing something which you have heard before. You will continuously see that it is a repetition of something, and repetition can never be satisfying. The new, the novel, the original, is needed.
So if your expectations are fulfilled you will remain completely unfulfilled. And if your expectations are not fulfilled then you feel frustrated. Then you feel constantly as if you propose and God goes on disposing, you feel that God is the enemy, you feel as if everybody is against you and everybody is working against you. Your expectations are never fulfilled, you feel frustrated.
Just meditate upon your expectations: if they are fulfilled you will feel bored, if they are not fulfilled you will feel cheated, as if a conspiracy is going on against you, as if the whole existence is conspiring against you. You will feel exploited, you will feel rejected, you will not be able to feel at home. And the whole problem arises because you expect.
Don’t go ahead into the future. Drop expectations.
Once you drop expectations you have learned how to live. Then everything that happens fulfills you – whatsoever it is. For one thing, you never feel frustrated because in the first place you never expected, so frustration is impossible. Frustration is a shadow of expectation. With expectation dropped, frustration drops on its own accord.
You cannot frustrate me, because I never expect anything. Whatsoever you do, I will say “Good.” I always say “Good,” except for only a few times when I say “Very good!”
Once expectations are not there you are free – to move into the unknown and accept the unknown, whatsoever it brings, and to accept it with deep gratitude. Complaints disappear, grumbling disappears. Whatsoever the situation, you always feel accepted, at home. Nobody is against you; existence is not a conspiracy against you. It is your home.
Osho says: People expect too much. And if your expectations are not fulfilled, then you feel frustrated. Then you feel constantly as if you propose and God goes on disposing; you feel that God is the enemy; you feel as if everybody is against you and everybody is working against you.
- We expect people to behave in the way we want - We expect to get the desired attention - We expect to be successful in scores, rankings and competitions - We expect that life is our servant ... and when things go against our understanding we are frustrated.
GIVE UP YOUR EGO! NEVER EXPECT ANYTHING! Egolessness is contentment! Without ego you are able to get the really clear view on your life!
Man nowadays puts himself in chains. Lacking motivation, rigid consistency, harmful thoughts and prejudices, daily routines. Life is about what it always had been. Conventions and commitments rule our daily life – we don’t dare to break out and think free. Our brain uses the old, obsolete patterns in thinking. We never ask us if everything makes sense and is adequate. Totally trusting we rigidly continue with our old scheme.
Everything around us could develop further – we still insist on our old thinking.
The First Challenge: Be wrong. It’s ok. (NM: to be wrong and to admit to be wrong is a feature of a Great Master that gives himself space to be wrong as he understands there is no wrong no right)
The Second Challenge: Other people (NM: we are too much concentrated on ourselves – what we feel and how we are. To withdraw from yourself and to start thinking outwards is the second challenge for the real Master)
The Third Challenge: Be alone (NM: in silence listening to yourself only you can understand yourself aka the others. when you are alone these are the moments of a real truth, bliss and happiness for you as you are not dependent on the image the others have about you, not dependent on what the others expect from you as you know your past only - always)
Let’s see what these challenges are:
The first challenge: Be wrong. It’s ok. The first challenge for us is to realize that we are so often wrong in what we think and believe. We should not pride ourselves on rigid consistency. We should rather put faith in our ability to learn and to develop ourselves further. Nobody decides in the end if old traditions are valid anymore or not.
The second challenge: Other people The second challenge is not to rely only on these people who share our ideas and thoughts and stand behind us. Sharing our ideas only with these people would mean sharpening our prejudices. Prejudices against those who don’t agree with our opinion and who think differently. Just the diversity of different opinions is exciting. It gives us the chance to compare different attitudes and to learn from them. “Freedom grows best in diversity”
The third challenge: Be alone The third challenge for mankind is to be free from others, to be alone. Having time for the own thoughts and reflections. Hearing our inner voice what it has to say.
LEARN TO LOVE THESE CHALLENGES! LEARN TO BE WRONG … LEARN TO LOVE THE DIVERSITY OF DIFFERENT OPINIONS … LEARN TO LOVE BEING ALONE … NEVER EXPECT ANYTHING FROM LIFE! HAPPINESS WILL FIND YOU! Don’ t think too much … love will come to you when the time is right! Love is like a butterfly … it settles upon you when you least expect it. Learn to be humble and grateful for life and you will grow in faith.
Intimacy is not purely physical.
It's the act of connecting with someone so deeply, you feel like you can see into their soul.
NM: TEA ANYONE???? :)
NM: we used to do the following exercise with Alex: look into each other's eyes with no blinking - I could not do it with anyone else except him. The bottomless soul and trust seen through your eyes is so vast you dissolve in each other - it is impossible to take your eyes off... and such a beautiful feeling...
a small poem by NM: give me one reason to love you forever, for sure and with no doubts the way the queen loves someone despite her king let me love with no dimentions tenderly and impossibly let me love with no belief attached vigorously, blissfully insane-fully let me love with no fear secretly, celestially, april-wise so my linen blouse would burn up touching my heart let me love like in the past sparklingly, cordially, gracefully so every mistake we make would look funny and dismissive let me love like this at least for a short time like a fleeting butterfly weightless like the name “bohemia” mortal and carefree let me love suddenly anxiously and earthly like the One who created life loved us at the beginning let me love like in my childhood
bravely, freshly and inspiringly as this feeling is something we learn the universe with let me love without sadness like humbert who loved lolita melting from pleasure… the bunches of rowan beads fall from the sky with bitterness… let me pray like hetaera and blaze with desire at dawn the templars pray like this to the rose, to the cross and to freedom let me love the way so all the timid turn into a magical paradise so the armors and swords would smile with the shadows of Love give me more courage to love neither for sinning nor for victory just to get together bit by bit that something that was lost along the way let me love so my veins would feel the blood running like wine so they would not whisper: “she is loved” but instead would say: “she is in love…” let me love with the loss and with the hearts in my playing cards so diamonds and spears would be laughed at and the clubs would rule the game let me love like dogs love with devotion in their sockets
let me love to tears to cry out the color off my eyelash give me the power to love so the wolves and their cubs in order to stay in pack would lie to me and curse me let me… and close your heart… so it would not quicken so loud in confusion on that deafening note with my mysterious and slavery past the queen will become a slave again equating meekness with grief give me one reason to love you and i will pay you back… by loving you again in return…
i sincerely apologise for any typAs and grEmmar mistakes. although i started thinking on philosophical aspects of life recently only (like 10 years ago) not in russian but mainly in english language i still can not fully express the thoughts that come through to me from the source. some of them can not be put in words forget about the language that have nothing to do with thought expression.
I believe the following subject will touch lots of you who have kids: does not matter how old they are.
Our Relationship with Kids, Wisdom, Kwoledge and Education
I had a very fiery conversation recently with my friend at work who just threw at me without listening and understanding: "our views on kids education are completely different Natasha..." but we really did not discuss anything.
i only has a chance to mention that in this society your obligation as a parent is to give your kids the best there is education-wise available on the market. i was talking from my experience only. that was what i got from my parents and i am really grateful they did it for me: the best university in the country, the best high school considering other circumstances we had in life at that time. but this is all to do with conventional education. this is what society expects you and you deliver: you get the best in order to return the best to the people.
i considered my obligation was to do the same for my kids: Melbourne Uni only as the best option with the best teachers and the best and brightest students to surround my kids, the best school in our area also for the same above mentioned reasons. before they were finishing with their international baccalaureate degree at school i told them to pick up something that they will like in life and something that will bring them bread and butter. my daughter picked up philosophy, art and languages plus accounting, my son picked up maths, IT plus finance.
but this is not the education that i want to talk about today. the main education they will never get at school and at uni unless their teachers are amazing. it is life where they learn and we learned it from the attitude our teachers towards their subject and their relation to the other matters in class: they taught us many other things apart from their main subjects... thanks god we had very talented professors at uni and loving teachers in school.
There is one important thought that i can perhaps shock you with. Your kids can not be taught. There is only one thing that you can teach them - how to love.
But even this can not be taught. Firstly they already know it, just by nature because when they are born they are clear sheet of paper - just pure gods perfection. Secondly there is only one way you can teach them love: through your own example.
Kids are very observant. Till seven years of age they do three things only: 1. they copy you 2, they copy you 3. they copy you
They learn love from you. If you are cold and not responsive to people no matter what you say. You can say: "you have to be nice to people and share with them" - they simply will not hear you, their ears do not work at that time. Their program is constructed the way to see, to observe and to read your thoughts and to copy YOUR actions. You can say one thing but do the other. Your kids will get you. Your kids will copy your actions not your words. Most of the kids loose trust in their parents at 7 years of age. Their blood gets transformed at 7 years of age from god's blood into human. They become you, an exact copy of you at 7 years of age.
How to change it? There is one way: observe yourself, observe what you say and what you do. Ask yourself why do I say it: is it my ego talking or my true self? Should i say this at all? You do not have to prove anything neither to yourself nor to your kids.
The best you can give them - is your being-ness of being kind and responsive to their need (being-ness = read your love as your essence is love and nothing else). You do not have to say anything to the others as they already know who you are - and it is nothing different to who they are - the best expression of god's image at this time at this moment on this plane and at this circumstances.
There is one more thing to add: take them to the forest and to the nature weekly if possible. Spend the whole day there to walk, to play around, to observe small things, creatures in the grass and the birds, sounds and the essence, the spirit of the forest. As observants of life around them they will learn more than anywhere in classroom. I used to take my kids for 8 and later for 20 km walks when they were very small and they could hardly walk. We would sleep under the sky with no roof so they could absorb the stars' energy and the essence of the forest.
More? Get them a small garden in your backyard so they can grow seeds and plants. Ask them to plant a seed and place it inside the warm soil. They know how to do it from the time they are able to hold the seed. The seed is conscious, your child's palms feel the seed. The seed knows the person who holds it, his/her energy and needs. Their communication is beyond our understanding. The seed will grow into a plant or a tree with the qualities the person who water and look after them requires. So the fruit and the minerals in herbs will be exactly as your child will want them. They will know each other from that time. There is no magic here - just simple life...
I might remember something else but this is it for now...
At the time I talked to my friend at work i did not realise we were talking about different things and we did not understand each other... and still coming back to the beginning of this article and to conventional education. if i only had a chance i would send my kids to Anastasia (The Ringing Ciders) school / or Schetinin school in Russia or to the school where king of england and queen of england studied...
Enjoy your journey!
Relationship and Love from Energy Exchange Perspective by Natasha M
Everything is energy, even your thoughts and I am not discovering America by saying it. Let’s talk about relationship and love from an energy point of view.
Very often we get trapped in the same pattern over and over again: be it relationship with our kids, with friends or with colleagues at work. We give out too much not giving the other people the opportunity to do the same, to shine, to give and share and to experience joy from it. When you give - you experience love and happiness. It is an art – some of us are not real masters of it. We all do the same mistakes – we like to feel better and to be better. It usually comes from our sense of insecurity and inability to acknowledge the truth of who we are. We are already perfect and beautiful – there is no necessity to prove it once again by giving. Even if we were told many many times by the outside observers: hold on, let the other people call you, follow you, write to you, give to you and open up with you, you are depriving them from a pleasure of giving too. Receiving is an art too, and some of us have to learn it one way or another. From the other side when you reject the giving hand the Universe closes the other doors for you. We have to learn to say “thank you” and accept what comes our way without feeling obliged to give back – just with gratitude and grace. And lots of us feel obliged to give something back when we receive. Let’s talk about it in more details.
We divided all the people (of those on the receiving end but it relates to giving as well) into three categories:
1. those who do not feel that they are obliged to give something back to the giver. They feel gratitude but they do not get attached with the “giving back” part. It is not a debt and credit world for them. They do not feel bad about receiving – they feel simply nothing – it comes and it goes. The Universe has got everything in abundance and the place is amazing in richness and prosperity. There is simply no limit on what you can get and what you can give back – this is the philosophy of such kind of people. They do not feel that they owe anything to the giver nor that they receive more that they give etc. – the balance of “counting” is absent in their soul. In these people - there is usually a channel going both ways – with no obligations. These people usually do not get attached with giving out too – the flow of energy is smooth and effortless. It is a pleasure to be with such souls. You feel like you met them a long time ago as you and they are just life mates. We meet many of them on our journey. But most of us, we all have a long way to go and reach this destination of being such energy balanced humans. Receiving as well as giving is a hard work.
2. there is a second category. They are the ones that get very angry when they are given something. They simply are terrified they would be obliged to give something back, as a matter of fact they usually don’t. We experienced it with lots of people. You feel the energy of either ignorance, separation or a well-built brick wall. They are the people that will never give back anything they have: including their creativity, their time, their talent and themselves. They are the owners of nothingness but we can not judge as we all have this energy inside of us to some extend or the other. There is simply a channel going one way but it is cut off on the spot - on the way back. There is a fear coming from these people that they do not have enough and they will never have enough. A fear of losing something that is even not theirs. Because on the grand scale – we are everything – you do not own anything as you are all there is.
3. there is a third category: the people that feel that they have to pay something back to you straight away. My mom would get bunches, buckets of flowers as she worked as a teacher at school and 90% of school flowers – all the gifts from the students - would go to her as she was loved dearly - she was popular indeed. We would not have a room to place the flowers in the house, not enough vases at home: even the sink and the bath tab were both full of floating flowers. The smell would give you a headache if you sleep with certain flowers next to your bed and all that jazz… My mom has chosen to give these flowers to our neighbors – the girl next door would be very happy about it – she would get such treats from us 5-6 times a year. She would feel very uncomfortable if she did not pay off straight away with cakes or biscuits – the food should have gone go back to us the same day, in one hour actually… You could feel her desperation to pay off, the air was full of it. It would make my mom very upset as she did not expect anything in return. My mom would say: “why she is rushing to pay her debts off – she does not have to…” The girl simply could not live with the false feeling that she owes something to someone. That was the story. We can not judge as again we all have part of this energy too.
Nevertheless let’s go back to our main story: energy, relationship and love.
Some of us like giving, it seems that we do not expect anything in return but in reality we do. A kind word, an advice, a smile, a simple ‘thank you’, warmth and care is the best payment to our giving: be it an important life advice or a chocolate pudding. Listening to someone is also - energy giving. Good listeners are very dear in this world. We all do expect the return of energy in some way, for our giving. It looks like if you give something out you earn a credit with this person. Next time you need something you know that you will be ok going and asking him/her something you need: be it help work-wise or a cup of tea Why? - because you earned a credit with this person. You can use it. If you do not get anything in return your one way channel might get closed forever…
What is the best way of giving and receiving and what you need to learn from it? We learnt to give out a lot – we know in this way or the other 20-30 times more will come back our way as the Universe is rich in its wealth and abundance. When you give - open a channel and detach yourself from that energy – you will notice the channel will open the other way in a couple of days. But we give not because of that. We give because we like it, we like the feeling itself, the feeling of giving. We like seeing the others happy eyes and we like seeing ourselves in a good light. The latter is more important than anything else.
More to that: we women are more on the giving side than men. We love giving. For us to give food to man is like offering love to him as food (especially the one that we arrange or cook ourselves) becomes part of us, giving. We give it away and we get pleasure out of it: observing the man we like enjoying it – meaning he will like to make love to us too. You try something prepared by a woman – consider yourself trapped – she puts such a loving energy into her cooking especially as she thinks about the person she loves when she cooks – you will fall in love with this part of her she gives away and this is one step forward… for her. You remember: the way to man’s heart lies through his stomach.
You refuse her food once and you will never be offered anything anymore. She gets offended by your refuse. This works in any culture where women are warm and giving. Russian culture is the same. The present that gets ignored or refused especially food (or worse – if it gets returned) can easily be interpreted as an expression of rudeness and ungratefulness. If he gets it and he does not like it we do not care – he can through it away but it should never come back to the givers. One should remember – it is not the food that she offers you – it is her love on subconscious level and she might not even realize it herself until she becomes spiritually aware of her actions but even at that point she will give out because she feels love and she likes it and she wants to share her love in any form.
Back to the subject.
Giving is the same as receiving. We should all learn to give out wisely and the balance is more important as the exchange of energy should be in everything we do.
If you give too much the person is so overwhelmed with you and your energy, he/she might get drawn in this energy and there will be no result of balanced energy exchange. He/she simply does not have a break – a time for giving, he/she is out of breath. We should give the other person an opportunity to share and to let the love go both ways, to flow and to flourish ... But…
What about the beginning of the process – who should start first, who should break the ice? There are simply no rules to start the game. There is nothing there yet – the page is blank… Start first from scratch! Give out and let it go… Your thought, your word, your action and your simple gift might reach the right destination, the seed might fall into a rich soil and the process will start because energy moving is life and love. And this is all there is.
We should always remember in both giving and receiving: there is no special formula and what suits one does not suit the other. We all do what we like and we all receive the experiences that we chose to.
Giving and receiving is the same for me as I do not see the other person as separate from me. I show what I like to experience by an example. The other person is ‘me’ but in a different life time, different frame, different line of soul existence so to speak . When you give – feel that you are rich, when you receive – feel gratefulness. At the end you are giving to yourself and receiving yourself. Learn to be in good relationship with yourself and as they are the best emotions that you can feel both ways. And one more thought: you are everything – you own everything here and you own nothing in this Universe. Everything and nothing belongs to you – as we are all just on holiday here – temporarily, like light travelers, sparkles of love. You should make sure you don’t have any regrets and do never judge your life – whatever you do and whatever you do not do…
At the end – there is nothing left when you move to another life dimension, when you fall to another world for new experiences – just take the best out of here with you – your most treasured and cherished feelings as there is nothing else to take with you… The rest of it is trash and dust…
...and let's learn together how to give and how to receive... :)