RELATIONSHIP AND EMOTIONS
20/12/2013 by NM
my friend once said: he can love me when I am sweet and happy... i asked him to love me too when i am ugly and bitter... he did not reply...
SEX AND SEXUALITY
by Osho source
Sex is beautiful, sexuality is ugly, and the difference has to be understood. Sex is a natural phenomenon. Sexuality is unnatural, abnormal and pathological. When sex becomes cerebral, when sex enters in your head, it becomes sexuality.
Now, the head is not the center for sex. It is getting into confusion, it is getting upside down, it is getting deranged. Sex is not the function of the head, but when sex enters in through the head it becomes sexuality. Then you think about sex, then you fantasize about sex. And the more you think, the more you fantasize about it, the more you will get into trouble because then nothing real will ever satisfy you because there is no limitation on fantasy, and reality is limited.
For example, if you start thinking too much about sex you can create beautiful women – women which are only your fantasy; you will never find them anywhere in the world. Or men…you will never come across them. No real woman or man will ever satisfy you because of the fantasy. No real man or woman can fulfill your expectations of fantasy. Fantasy is fantasy; it is a dream.
SEX AND SEXUALITY
by Osho source
Sex is beautiful, sexuality is ugly, and the difference has to be understood. Sex is a natural phenomenon. Sexuality is unnatural, abnormal and pathological. When sex becomes cerebral, when sex enters in your head, it becomes sexuality.
Now, the head is not the center for sex. It is getting into confusion, it is getting upside down, it is getting deranged. Sex is not the function of the head, but when sex enters in through the head it becomes sexuality. Then you think about sex, then you fantasize about sex. And the more you think, the more you fantasize about it, the more you will get into trouble because then nothing real will ever satisfy you because there is no limitation on fantasy, and reality is limited.
For example, if you start thinking too much about sex you can create beautiful women – women which are only your fantasy; you will never find them anywhere in the world. Or men…you will never come across them. No real woman or man will ever satisfy you because of the fantasy. No real man or woman can fulfill your expectations of fantasy. Fantasy is fantasy; it is a dream.
You can fantasize a woman who does not perspire, whose body has no body odor. You can fantasize a woman who is always sweet and never bitter. You can fantasize a woman who is always loving and warm and welcoming and never nags you and is never angry, never throws pillows at you. You can fantasize a woman who never ages, who remains always stuck at eighteen years of age – who is always fresh, always young, always beautiful, never falls ill, never makes any demands on you, never betrays you, never looks at any other man with longing, with desire. You can fantasize to no limit, but you will not find this woman anywhere. Now you have created a problem – you are no longer naturally attuned to your sex.
Nature is perfectly capable to be fulfilled, but fantasy cannot be fulfilled. You may find your woman in girly magazines, in pornographic books, but you will not find her in reality. And whosoever you will find in reality will fall short.
That is the problem the West is facing – it has fantasized too much about sex. The West has become sexual through fantasy; the East has become sexual through repression. Both have become sexual and both have lost the natural capacities of enjoying sex. Both have become pathological through different routes. The West has become pathological by fantasizing sex as being the ultimate goal of life, and the East has become pathological by thinking that sex is the ultimate barrier between godliness and man.
Sex is neither: neither is it the ultimate goal nor the ultimate barrier. Sex is a simple phenomenon as hunger or thirst; there is nothing more to it. Neither is it what the Eastern mind has been thinking about it. The Eastern mind is too afraid of sex. Out of fear, sex has moved into the head; through the door of fear it entered into the head.
So the Eastern so-called saints are simply fantasizing about sex because they have repressed it. And that which you repress goes on coming up again and again. It cannot be destroyed; nothing can ever be destroyed by repression. Repression makes sex pathological sexuality. This is one extreme.
Nature is perfectly capable to be fulfilled, but fantasy cannot be fulfilled. You may find your woman in girly magazines, in pornographic books, but you will not find her in reality. And whosoever you will find in reality will fall short.
That is the problem the West is facing – it has fantasized too much about sex. The West has become sexual through fantasy; the East has become sexual through repression. Both have become sexual and both have lost the natural capacities of enjoying sex. Both have become pathological through different routes. The West has become pathological by fantasizing sex as being the ultimate goal of life, and the East has become pathological by thinking that sex is the ultimate barrier between godliness and man.
Sex is neither: neither is it the ultimate goal nor the ultimate barrier. Sex is a simple phenomenon as hunger or thirst; there is nothing more to it. Neither is it what the Eastern mind has been thinking about it. The Eastern mind is too afraid of sex. Out of fear, sex has moved into the head; through the door of fear it entered into the head.
So the Eastern so-called saints are simply fantasizing about sex because they have repressed it. And that which you repress goes on coming up again and again. It cannot be destroyed; nothing can ever be destroyed by repression. Repression makes sex pathological sexuality. This is one extreme.
The West has moved to another extreme. The other extreme is, fantasize about it. Sex is all, everything else is secondary, so have as much sex as you can. But you cannot have too much sex. There are limitations to the body, but you can fantasize as much as you want, there is no limitation to it. So pornography exists, blue films exist, girly magazines exist, and people are being fed on these illusory mirages. Then no woman, no real man will ever satisfy you.
These are both pathological states. Sexuality is pathological; whether you come to it through greed or fear does not matter. The East has become ill through fear; the West has become ill through greed. Greed and fear are two aspects of the same coin. So on the surface it looks very different, that the East and the West are poles apart. They are not. Those who know, those who can see, can see that it is the same foolishness, the same stupidity. They have arrived to the same stupidity from different doors, that is true, but they have entered into the same place. And both have to be awakened, and both have to be made more enlightened about sex.
Don’t make much fuss about sex either way, that is the first fundamental. If you want sex to become love, the first fundamental is accept sex as an absolutely natural phenomenon. Don’t bring your metaphysics to it, don’t bring your religion to it. It has nothing to do with religion or metaphysics, it is a simple fact of life. It is a way life produces itself. It is as simple as the trees bringing flowers and fruits – you don’t condemn the flowers. Flowers are sex; it is through the flowers that the tree is sending its seeds, its potentiality, to other trees.
When a peacock dances you don’t condemn it, but the dance is sex; it is to attract the female. When the cuckoo calls you don’t condemn it; it is sex. The cuckoo is simply declaring, “I am ready.” The cuckoo is simply calling forth the woman. The sound, the beautiful sound, is just a seduction; it is courtship.
If you watch life you will be surprised. The whole of life is through sex. Life reproduces itself through sex. It is a natural phenomenon, don’t drag unnecessary rationalizations into it.
These are both pathological states. Sexuality is pathological; whether you come to it through greed or fear does not matter. The East has become ill through fear; the West has become ill through greed. Greed and fear are two aspects of the same coin. So on the surface it looks very different, that the East and the West are poles apart. They are not. Those who know, those who can see, can see that it is the same foolishness, the same stupidity. They have arrived to the same stupidity from different doors, that is true, but they have entered into the same place. And both have to be awakened, and both have to be made more enlightened about sex.
Don’t make much fuss about sex either way, that is the first fundamental. If you want sex to become love, the first fundamental is accept sex as an absolutely natural phenomenon. Don’t bring your metaphysics to it, don’t bring your religion to it. It has nothing to do with religion or metaphysics, it is a simple fact of life. It is a way life produces itself. It is as simple as the trees bringing flowers and fruits – you don’t condemn the flowers. Flowers are sex; it is through the flowers that the tree is sending its seeds, its potentiality, to other trees.
When a peacock dances you don’t condemn it, but the dance is sex; it is to attract the female. When the cuckoo calls you don’t condemn it; it is sex. The cuckoo is simply declaring, “I am ready.” The cuckoo is simply calling forth the woman. The sound, the beautiful sound, is just a seduction; it is courtship.
If you watch life you will be surprised. The whole of life is through sex. Life reproduces itself through sex. It is a natural phenomenon, don’t drag unnecessary rationalizations into it.
This is the first thing to be understood if you ever want any transformation of sex energy. The first thing is don’t deny it, don’t reject it, don’t repress it. Don’t be too greedy about it, don’t think that this is all – this is not. There is much more to life. And sex is beautiful. Still, there is much more to life, sex is only the foundation, it is not the whole temple.
Repressed, it becomes sexuality. Fantasized, it becomes sexuality. One is an Eastern way of transforming sex into pathology, the other is a Western way. But nobody, either in the East or in the West, accepts that sex is a simple natural phenomenon. Neither the saints nor the sinners – nobody accepts sex to be a simple natural phenomenon. Both are obsessed with it, hence I say both are not different. Sex accepted, respected, lived, becomes love.
Repressed, it becomes sexuality. Fantasized, it becomes sexuality. One is an Eastern way of transforming sex into pathology, the other is a Western way. But nobody, either in the East or in the West, accepts that sex is a simple natural phenomenon. Neither the saints nor the sinners – nobody accepts sex to be a simple natural phenomenon. Both are obsessed with it, hence I say both are not different. Sex accepted, respected, lived, becomes love.
nothing has changed since our parents read this book to us, we read this book to our kids and they will be reading it to theirs... just some of us tend to forget the wisdom in this cute but very deep tale... or may be it was not a tale...
ON RELATIONSHIP - LE PETIT PRINCE
by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
It was then that the fox appeared. "Good morning," said the fox.
"Good morning," the little prince responded politely, although when he turned around he saw nothing.
"I am right here," the voice said, "under the apple tree."
"Who are you?" asked the little prince, and added, "You are very pretty to look at."
"I am a fox," said the fox.
"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince. "I am so unhappy."
"I cannot play with you," the fox said. "I am not tamed."
"Ah! Please excuse me," said the little prince.
But, after some thought, he added:
"What does that mean-- 'tame'?"
"You do not live here," said the fox. "What is it that you are looking for?"
"I am looking for men," said the little prince. "What does that mean-- 'tame'?"
"Men," said the fox. "They have guns, and they hunt. It is very disturbing. They also raise chickens. These are their only interests. Are you looking for chickens?"
"No," said the little prince. "I am looking for friends. What does that mean-- 'tame'?"
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties."
ON RELATIONSHIP - LE PETIT PRINCE
by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
It was then that the fox appeared. "Good morning," said the fox.
"Good morning," the little prince responded politely, although when he turned around he saw nothing.
"I am right here," the voice said, "under the apple tree."
"Who are you?" asked the little prince, and added, "You are very pretty to look at."
"I am a fox," said the fox.
"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince. "I am so unhappy."
"I cannot play with you," the fox said. "I am not tamed."
"Ah! Please excuse me," said the little prince.
But, after some thought, he added:
"What does that mean-- 'tame'?"
"You do not live here," said the fox. "What is it that you are looking for?"
"I am looking for men," said the little prince. "What does that mean-- 'tame'?"
"Men," said the fox. "They have guns, and they hunt. It is very disturbing. They also raise chickens. These are their only interests. Are you looking for chickens?"
"No," said the little prince. "I am looking for friends. What does that mean-- 'tame'?"
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties."
"'To establish ties'?"
"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world..."
"I am beginning to understand," said the little prince. "There is a flower... I think that she has tamed me..."
"It is possible," said the fox. "On the Earth one sees all sorts of things."
"Oh, but this is not on the Earth!" said the little prince.
The fox seemed perplexed, and very curious.
"On another planet?"
"Yes."
"Are there hunters on this planet?"
"No."
"Ah, that is interesting! Are there chickens?"
"No."
"Nothing is perfect," sighed the fox.
But he came back to his idea.
"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world..."
"I am beginning to understand," said the little prince. "There is a flower... I think that she has tamed me..."
"It is possible," said the fox. "On the Earth one sees all sorts of things."
"Oh, but this is not on the Earth!" said the little prince.
The fox seemed perplexed, and very curious.
"On another planet?"
"Yes."
"Are there hunters on this planet?"
"No."
"Ah, that is interesting! Are there chickens?"
"No."
"Nothing is perfect," sighed the fox.
But he came back to his idea.
"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life . I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not ea t bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the colour of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat..."
The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time.
"Please-- tame me!" he said.
"I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."
"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more . If you want a friend, tame me..."
"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince.
"You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me-- like that-- in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But yo u will sit a little closer to me, every day..."
The next day the little prince came back.
The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time.
"Please-- tame me!" he said.
"I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."
"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more . If you want a friend, tame me..."
"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince.
"You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me-- like that-- in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But yo u will sit a little closer to me, every day..."
The next day the little prince came back.
"It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you... One must observe the proper rites..."
"What is a rite?" asked the little prince.
"Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours. There is a rite, for example, among my hunters. Every Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vineyards. But if the hunters danced at just any time, every day would be like every other day, and I should never have any vacation at all."
So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--
"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."
"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you..."
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"Then it has done you no good at all!"
"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added:
"What is a rite?" asked the little prince.
"Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours. There is a rite, for example, among my hunters. Every Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vineyards. But if the hunters danced at just any time, every day would be like every other day, and I should never have any vacation at all."
So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--
"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."
"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you..."
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"Then it has done you no good at all!"
"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added:
"Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."
The little prince went away, to look again at the roses.
"You are not at all like my rose," he said. "As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world."
And the roses were very much embarassed.
"You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you-- the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or ever sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose.
And he went back to meet the fox.
"Goodbye," he said.
"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.
"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."
The little prince went away, to look again at the roses.
"You are not at all like my rose," he said. "As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world."
And the roses were very much embarassed.
"You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you-- the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or ever sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose.
And he went back to meet the fox.
"Goodbye," he said.
"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.
"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."
"It is the time I have wasted for my rose--" said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.
"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose..."
"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.
"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose..."
"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.
RELATIONSHIP AND WHO WE ARE
The reality is not the relationship but the state YOU are in.
We can not give something we are not. You can not give love if you are not Love. Not "in love", but just - "Love". You can not give love unless you understand that you have nothing else to give because you are love.It is a state of feeling, there is no particular person involved, nor there is a subject or address attached to love. It is simply there, inside of you. You do not have to give it, it throws you inside yourself. There is no effort of giving required. It is like breathing When you breath you are simply Love.
It is the deepest core of your beingness. You do not need anyone – you love being alone. By giving something you sharing and feeling lack of it – this is the common problem as you start expecting something in return. You can not give something that you can not own. You can not own Love. The moment you want to own it - it is not there anymore. Being it – there is nothing to give and nothing to take – it is simply there. It is an essence that is so delicate and fine that any transaction simply turns it either into physical and destroys the grace, the silence and the beauty of it…
When it grows in you it is unbearable and painful. If one person comes as a trigger of these feelings inside of you - be grateful to him/her as they helped you to unburden yourself and to see who you really are. They do not have to love you in return. Love is like a door – it is suffering behind you and on the other side it is a bliss.
We, poets, painters, dancers, musicians, writers, actors, we love without any focus on individuals. We simply have a sensitivity that we can feel beyond the body because we live on this different (not higher but different) plane.We do not think, we feel and we give. We live in the heart and by the heart that is why we feel each others hearts. We do not think – we just feel and we see each other and recognise this gift inside each other.
It is rare but this is love. Love that does not have subject or attachment. We fall in love daily with everything like flowers do, like wind does when it blows on everything without judgement; it comes from nowhere and it goes to nowhere. The wind can not be caught and caged, as you can not capture us. We are... Love.
Just my morning random thoughts…
The reality is not the relationship but the state YOU are in.
We can not give something we are not. You can not give love if you are not Love. Not "in love", but just - "Love". You can not give love unless you understand that you have nothing else to give because you are love.It is a state of feeling, there is no particular person involved, nor there is a subject or address attached to love. It is simply there, inside of you. You do not have to give it, it throws you inside yourself. There is no effort of giving required. It is like breathing When you breath you are simply Love.
It is the deepest core of your beingness. You do not need anyone – you love being alone. By giving something you sharing and feeling lack of it – this is the common problem as you start expecting something in return. You can not give something that you can not own. You can not own Love. The moment you want to own it - it is not there anymore. Being it – there is nothing to give and nothing to take – it is simply there. It is an essence that is so delicate and fine that any transaction simply turns it either into physical and destroys the grace, the silence and the beauty of it…
When it grows in you it is unbearable and painful. If one person comes as a trigger of these feelings inside of you - be grateful to him/her as they helped you to unburden yourself and to see who you really are. They do not have to love you in return. Love is like a door – it is suffering behind you and on the other side it is a bliss.
We, poets, painters, dancers, musicians, writers, actors, we love without any focus on individuals. We simply have a sensitivity that we can feel beyond the body because we live on this different (not higher but different) plane.We do not think, we feel and we give. We live in the heart and by the heart that is why we feel each others hearts. We do not think – we just feel and we see each other and recognise this gift inside each other.
It is rare but this is love. Love that does not have subject or attachment. We fall in love daily with everything like flowers do, like wind does when it blows on everything without judgement; it comes from nowhere and it goes to nowhere. The wind can not be caught and caged, as you can not capture us. We are... Love.
Just my morning random thoughts…
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