with Alex we went through a situation when your best friends who were a couple got a divorce and we do not know which side to take or how to behave and how do we get out and socialise with them now...
The couple you and your husband always go on double dates with is now divorcing and you two don't know whose side you should be on. Presuming that the four of you are all friends, try your best not to choose sides or leave either of them out in the cold. Divorcing spouses often find they lose friends and are excluded from events they normally attended, which is a shame, Remember, it’s not your job as a friend to take sides as much as it is to support and be there for her and him. If the female half of the couple is asking you to drop her ex from your friend list, tell her—as kindly as you can—that you’re there to be her friend, but you’re not actually angry with her ex. By the same token, be sensitive to both of their feelings by not telling either of them about the time you may have spent with the other person and ensure both of them that anything discussed when you are with them will always be confidential.
there is also a topic that we discussed with Alex recently... we talked about our common friends and he mentioned that you can see "commitment" in some and "no-commitment" in others. how does it happen and what do we see - is it the body language that gives it out or the way they speak, may be just their "being-ness" that usual;y speaks more powerful than words... how come there are even some people who are married but you feel that they do not send you this message, we call them "people with open valence"
MARRIED AND NOT MARRIED
Women. Unmarried women are different from married. My husband can figure that out in a couple of minutes of a chat with a woman. But sometimes even he gets mistaken.A woman calls herself not married but her energy does not tell it. Then you realise that she is in de-facto relationship and you sort of get it... So what is the difference? Do they dress differently? Do they have a different body language?
I believe it is so called "order of mind and soul". It is a a stability that comes out of the person. You can say there are two things that do not go together: a woman and stability however there is such thing... I would rather say: some man and stability do not go together...
At the beginning we thought the non-order of unmarried women - is the result of their family condition. meaning He meets Her and everything gets in order.
But this is not true. It is actually wring way round. Her unmarried situation is actually the result of her non-order condition. Ther is not order in mind and soul and as a result - no order on all levels of life including marriage. The order goes first - them the right man follows.
Do you find it logical? If you have a mess in your house. Instead of cleaning the house you go out and start looking for a man. Apparently the prince comes along and he cleans your mess. Th example with the house is very primitive. It is more compalex when it comes to cleaning and ordering the thoughts inside of you and cleaning your soul. The man who comes over to your life and starts cleaning your soul should be a superman to do this all for you? and should he be ready for this mess? Why would he do it for you?
Why do you think it is impossible and why you will have a very little chance to meet such a man? Let's assume there is such a man and he will be happy to clean your dirty "house". that would mean that when he completes his job he will get very bored with you. Or he will start looking for someone else to help another woman.
From the other side if it is not your habit to look after your own soul and grow than everything will come back and you will be there at the start point. He might start it again but most likely not. Why would he clean up the place where the other =s through rubbish around?
[By the way the same relates to similar situation with a man and woman where the other side plays a doctor for while... ] What would you do? Would you rather play a doctor or grow together spiritually and enjoy your life together?
There is also another example: would you call someone;s into your house if it is not clean? You would consider it is not quite polite right? We clan before we invite someone over... The your guest might help you cleaning the floors and wash the dishes. But for now he is your guest. You do not offer him a mop - not yet... Would you enter a dirty house?
Your maternity is your adult behavior, it is a responsibility you see inside yourself, for your thoughts and your feelings. It is your inner power and the order of your soul, your understanding of life and who you are here, your purpose and your place and position in this world. You do not play a life victim anymore, you do not complain that do not have a job or life is not treating you right. you have everything in your hands. That and only that way you will attract the right man that will enjoy your life completeness that they can share with you and will want to be a nice small bonus for you in your already good life. Such man will want to be with you forever. Such man will come over to your life not to take something from you, they will also not clean your house for you, they will not be responsible for you. They will feel that you are just right for them.
Very often my husband after talking with such women (or take me talking to similar kind of men) will say: "I would also never marry such person, No wonder no one wants them"
The people who are not ready for marriage all have the same thing in common: they do not know who they are, One yells out loud" "Be my father (mother). Feel sorry for me... I do not want to care about anything..." Or the woman gives out the message "all men owe me something..". Please remember: they do not!
The third one does not understand and does not feel herself to the extend that no one else will be able to understand and feel her.
The fourth is taking a defense position saying that all men are dangerous. She looks for someone who would protect her. How can he protect her if if he will be in the position of an enemy too?
The fifth one is a princess in the tower. You can not save her nor you can find her and the keys from this tower. She never goes out or anywhere for this matter. Dear prince, find me and save me! There is no such prince...
The sixth one is always unhappy to the core of her soul. She is waiting for the man to come over and fix her. He will make her happy... No way. On the contrary: she needs to be happy for the right man to appear in her life.
It works for the other side as well and for a man it is the same story: we, women want a man who is never winging, never wants anything from you (we offer him then everything), he is well of on his own, he knows who he is and what he wants from life. He is never in search for us, woman, This attracts us a he knows what he wants. We want to be a bonus to his life that is already organised and happy.
The examples I gave you above are all dead-end situations. Men will never want to be with you , one unhappy woman. If your life is already like this, what her life will be when your kids see this world. More unhappier? Remember he will never replace you your mother or your father. He will never take you fighting with him on any small thing too...
Such women will always stay alone. She will be alone once again with her own mess. She is the only one who can clean and fix his mess, there is no man for her to do it instead of her. She has to put everything in order first: cupboards, bathrooms and bedrooms... he has to come over to a clean and beautifully looking house. NO one else will do it for her.
There is another side of this story and I went through this myself. The woman is OK inside. She becomes very attractive. Her energy radiates through love and confidence, care and stability, wisdom and knowledge. If there is a mess inside she does not look attractive to other men. She appears to be sad and pale. She can not open up and be herself to the fullest potential. There is no feminity shining through. With the mess inside she does not want to dress up nicely. But you can buy a dress - you can not buy a smile... The nice genuine smile can only shine through a happy person and men can see it... She can not float and sing, she can not be a happy butterfly. Dear women, learn about yourself who you are before you go out with men. When you do know - surprise them with your love and happiness you keep inside, surprise them that you do not need them - you are happy on your own... but He will be a great BONUS to have in her life... She will never suffer if a man does not want her - HE IS SIMPLY NOT READY FOR SUCH A WOMAN!!
So what did we learn? Do we need to be ideal women to get married? No, of course not! Just become mature. Start live independently, stop complaining. Learn your soul and your heart. HE will hear you and he will be the right one for you... Where do you learn who you are? This is another topic probably... and I will leave you for now...
Some ways to know yourself: 1. meditations 2. letting go and forgiveness 3. letter to yourself, poetry or any other creative work that opens up your heart 4. girlfriend talk helps but dont get carried away with this 5. find yourself a twin soul, the person who thinks alike 6. workshops and lectures on personal growth, mind expansion and self development 7. spiritual practices including prayers and talks to the masters and men of knowledge
The result of your practice might be as follows: not the prince will appear. You first visualize him, what feelings you want to experience with him: love, jealousy, fear, care?Feel that you are OK with these feelings you want to eventuate in your life. You can even be alone to experience them .
You will feel joy and love when and after talking to the other people. They will feel it too... Your girlfriends, your colleagues and other men... You will see that men will see a SUBJECT of desire inside of you.... now you can choose whom to date. And ut is the matter of time when you meet someone...
Be happy and successful on your journey and enjoy every little step of it!